Why “Yes” Can Be Bad - and “No” Can Be Good - in a Negotiation

You might think an early “No” would make me nervous in a negotiation. In fact, it's hearing “Yes” too quickly that worries me more.

That may sound strange. Most people want help either saying no or dealing with no. We naturally associate “Yes” with success and “No” with failure. Yet an immediate yes can leave a negotiator with an uncomfortable question: did I ask for enough?

The house I have lived in for the past 16 years represents one of my most memorable and, in some ways, most frustrating negotiations.

My partner first spotted it when it came onto the market. We viewed it and both liked it, but our own house was not selling as quickly as we had hoped, so we were unable to make an offer. By the time we had secured a buyer, the house had been taken off the market.

We spent the next six months looking at other properties and eventually found one that seemed suitable. However, I sensed that my partner had doubts. When I asked what was wrong, she admitted that she still preferred the house we had viewed six months earlier.

Slightly irritated, I suggested that perhaps she should put a note through the owners’ door and ask whether they were still interested in moving. She called my bluff and did exactly that.

To our surprise, they were still interested in selling. Suddenly, there was a possible deal between us, with no estate agent in the middle.

I did my research, looked at comparable properties and considered the state of the market. I then put together what I believed was a deliberately ambitious opening offer. I expected the seller to reject it. In fact, I was ready for the first “No”.

Instead, the seller accepted immediately.

“Yes. Agreed. You’ve got yourself a deal.”

I was delighted. For a few moments.

Then the doubts began. Had I offered too much? Could I have bought the house for less? What would have happened if I had opened lower?

Sixteen years later, I still occasionally wonder.

That is the hidden danger of an immediate yes. It does not necessarily mean that you have negotiated a poor deal. Sometimes your proposal genuinely works well for both parties. The other side may value speed, certainty or simplicity more than squeezing every last pound from the agreement.

But a quick yes can also suggest that your opening proposal was not ambitious enough.

That is why I often value hearing “No”. A rejection tells me that I may have tested the boundary rather than simply giving the other party what they wanted. More importantly, it gives me information.

What exactly are they rejecting? Is it the price, the timing, the risk, the scope or the principle? Does “No” genuinely mean no, or does it mean not yet, not like this or not without something in return?

A “No” is not necessarily the end of a negotiation. Very often, it is where the real negotiation begins.

One useful safeguard is to decide in advance what else you might seek if your proposal is accepted more readily than expected. It might be improved payment terms, timing, scope, support or another condition of value. That does not mean reopening an agreement once it has been made. It means preparing properly before making the proposal, so that you have somewhere else to go if the answer comes too easily.

The aim is not to provoke rejection for the sake of it, nor to make unreasonable proposals simply to prove that we are negotiating. The aim is to avoid giving away value because we were too eager to reach agreement.

There is also something psychologically uncomfortable about an effortless deal. We can be objectively better off, yet feel less satisfied because we never discovered where the other side’s limits were. By contrast, an agreement that required movement, exploration and effort can feel more robust because both parties tested it before accepting it.

However, I also remind myself of something important. It was my proposal, the seller accepted it, and we secured a house we've loved for 16 years. Had I pushed too hard, or tried to add something at the last moment, my partner might have missed out on her dream home.

Sometimes the value of a deal lies not only in what else you might have gained, but in what you successfully secured.

A quick “Yes” should therefore make us curious, not automatically dissatisfied. It may suggest that more was possible, but it may also reflect the value of certainty, speed and securing something that genuinely matters.

We rarely spend years wondering whether we negotiated too hard. We can spend years wondering whether we negotiated hard enough.

So do not be afraid of hearing “No”. Explore it, understand it and find out what sits behind it.

And when you hear “Yes”, particularly when it comes very quickly, ask yourself one important question:

What might I have left on the table - and what did I make certain I secured?

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